Inside the Mind of a Trans(cendent) Artist

Archive for February, 2009

This Moon is NOT for Suicide

In the United States of America, suicide has reached an all time high. Tragically, for the first time in American history, the incidence of military suicide exceeds that of the civilian population. We don’t like talking about death and suicide in this country, but, we’ve got to do so, and now; it’s one of the greatest health crises in our nation – greater and AIDS, greater than cancer, greater than heart and lung disease, greater than the year end flu. Some celebrity kill herself/himself, it’s big news, water cooler and dinner table discussion and, within weeks, it’s back to “shhhh, don’t talk about THAT; too painful, too sensitive.” In this, as with the AIDS crisis, silence=death. As a person who could have been a youth suicide statistic, suicide is the only thing I am proud to say I have failed to accomplish.

Earlier in this incarnation, starting at 8 years old and several times thereafter, suicide was apparently the only reasonable option for me. (Generally, I am far too sensitive for this world.) I was living with challenges that were crushing my spirit, simply could not continue living with those challenges and, on each occasion, I could not perceive or conceive a better solution to them that was more reliable than death. [Disregarding my being highly gifted,] I was kept alive for reasons much larger than myself. Speaking to African American, Native American and queer youth, along with my Latina sistahs, civilian and military, and to all other persons who may be contemplating suicide right now, (especially our veterans), part of my reason for living is to insure that the highest level of Music within me is able to reach the highest level of Music within you to enable you to live each “one more day” better than the previous one(s). You are and have something special that countless others and I need, as you are able to share it with those around you, letting it ripple out from there to others and eventually, to me too. If you are contemplating suicide in this moment, or have done so recently, do something for me now – go to Como Deus (in another tab) and just let the music play, and listen and feel and, if you feel ANY amount of peace come to you before those few songs play through, then understand that that Peace comes with a Light that is there for you within your conditions and circumstances, One far greater than the darkness surrounding them and, as darkness flees from light, they are already transforming and passing away from you – so you don’t have to pass away from us, before Nature’s ready to call you back to Her, in Her perfect time, in Her perfect way. All my unbearable conditions and circumstances passed from me and I’m still here. Art of Pop is evidence of what came after them; one look through there and the Truth of what I’ve just told you will be clear – there’s dynamic healing energy for the most subtle parts of you there, stuff that awakens the genii within you, not to mention some nice “feel good” music and none of that would be there for you had I succeeded in my attempted suicides. The fruit of my life after failing at suicide is exceptional; even if only for the purpose of you being able to read this and rethink your options.

That echoing emptiness you feel within you is your heart telling Nature you have room to be full-filled and, since Nature/Love doesn’t like a vacuum, just ask Love to fill your vacuum with whatever you require to live, and to live within Peace, regardless of your circumstances and, whatever’s the best form for that prayer and you to be fulfilled, by whatever path of least resistance, it will come to you, starting immediately. And the Peace that you will feel within you, way before you can see or feel the physical substance of your solution, is evidence of your emptiness being filled, your hope-lessness becoming hope-fullness, your situation changing so you can be powerful within it rather than overpowered by it. 😉

Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary challenges. I have dwelt in the Valley where the sun cannot shine and I assure you, as sure as you are there, a Light That Cannot be Dimmed is also there with you, is always there with you. Ask It to show Itself and, just as night passes into day, so will your inner “piece of real estate” be as Light as Day, within your Night season, even as that season passes from you. Better solutions will displace the pain and circumstances, just as foul water in a glass is displaced by pure water unceasingly poured into the mix, and inner Peace will be as a cocoon for you. This is a reliable Truth.

My dear, this Moon is not for your suicide. 🙂 If suicide is on your mind, stay with us, pleeeease, and find someone who will talk with you and talk a little, then a little more and then a little more…;
we need you and that Something Special within you that only you have for this world!

Suicide Prevention Kit
Provided by the National Suicide Prevention Directory.

Copyright by de Cygne. All rights reserved.